Today was my last day of eating regular food for quite a while. Today I had my last diet cherry coke. Today I had my last bite of chicken alfredo for a while. It was a good day. Hopefully tomorrow is just as good. I bought some of the New Directions packets. I bought two boxes of a variety pack which has 2 chocolate shakes, one vanilla shake, one strawberry shake, one hot chocolate, and one chicken soup mix. I also bought a box of broccoli cheese soup mix. It should add some variety to the mix. My husband went to the grocery store and bought me some beef boullion cubes and some sugar free jello. I also had a nutrition class and learned more about the vitamin supplements. I thought I'd be good with taking over the counter vitamins but I don't think that's going to be a good idea. We got samples of Celebrate vitamins. The chewable tablets are pretty good. They are expensive though. But in the long run I think they'll be well worth the money because I think I'm pretty vitamin deficient and these vitamins are full of what I need. Lately my nails have become more brittle and my hair has been thinning for years. Maybe eventually my hair problem will change. I'll buy some after surgery because we're not supposed to start taking them for a couple of weeks after surgery. A lady in the class today has been on the liquid diet for a week and has lost 10 lbs. so I'll be losing weight even before surgery.
My husband was talking to me tonight and I can tell that he's worried. His mom died when he was 9 because she had a bowel blockage and then developed a blood clot after surgery which killed her. That was over 40 years ago and technology has changed a ton but surgery still scares him. He wanted to know, if something happened to me, what to do with my craft and painting stuff and my cake decorating stuff. I told him that I want my daughters to have first choice of my stuff and then my sisters can take what they would like. I know it's morbid to think of dying during surgery but it has to be thought of because it can happen to anyone. My son and I are estranged and have been so for 8 months. I've only seen my grandchildren once in 8 months. My grandson, who was my whole world, barely remembers me and he's 5. It's like that bond has been broken and I don't know if I can fix it. My son isn't even going to come to the hospital the morning of my surgery because I'm so far down on his list, which really makes me feel bad. I've been battling these demons for the last year and a half and things finally came to a head a week after Mother's Day.
Anyway, that has been a big source of stress for a long time. I'm a strong person and can survive most anything. I survived my mother passing away at the age of 62 because she had COPD and wouldn't stop smoking. A part of me died with her but I know that she'll always be with me. I hope she would be proud of me getting this surgery that is going to save my life. I need to be around to continue to be a mother to my daughters. My oldest daughter is 24 and is in the Air Force and is doing great. I'm so proud of her. My youngest daughter is 21 and is starting beauty/cosmetology school next week. She's my wild child but I wouldn't change her for the world. She has such a good heart, as does her sister. I love both of them so much and I want to be around for them to see the good things they are going to do with their lives and hopefully see them get married and have families of their own.
Ok, enough mushy stuff. When I'm healed I plan on changing jobs. I've been at my job for almost 13 years and there is going to be a change in ownership in the spring and I don't see any new opportunities for myself. I need a change. It's time for a change. Everything is going to change for me in two weeks. So crazy! But I'm so looking forward to all the new changes! That's all for today! I'll let you know tomorrow how the first day of the liquid diet goes. Have a great day!
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